Is it just me, or does guilt instantly become your default emotion the minute you become a parent?
Things I have felt guilty about since becoming a parent:
- Not spending enough time with my daughter
- Not spending enough time with my husband
- Not spending enough time becoming a better teacher
- Not taking enough “me” time
- Not working out or eating healthy enough
- Not reading enough books
- Not staying up-to-date on current events
- Not volunteering
- Not being a good enough friend. Sometimes I’m too absorbed in my own family and daughter to really pay attention to my friends’ needs and problems. Then there’s the issue of not being able to be at every wedding shower, bachelorette, wedding, birthday, etc.
- Not calling my grandma often enough
- Not keeping my house clean enough
- Not being the mom that my mom is. I can’t make an apple pie, sew, or french braid hair.
- Not telling my mom often enough how much I admire the mom she is
- Letting Maggie watch TV
- Letting Maggie snack too much
- Telling Maggie, “Just one minute” when what I really mean is, “I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing until I can’t take your harassment anymore and have to see what you want.”
- Giving Maggie what she wants when she probably should get a time out
- Totally neglecting my poor dog, who just wants someone to snuggle with
- Thinking about what I have to do while I’m in the middle of a conversation with another person
- Going days without checking anything off of my to-do list
Ok, so that’s twenty, and honestly I could keep going. I do have two and half years of guilt to catalog. In fact, let me be even more specific by doing a quick run-down of the guilt I’ve felt just today.
- Maggie climbed into bed with us at 7:00 this morning and I tried to pawn her off on Matt so I could keep sleeping, even though I went to bed before him. So, I felt guilty about trying to get him to do the work AND I felt guilty about wanting to be in bed rather than spending that time with her.
- I felt guilty about having two cups of half-caf coffee and another small cup of regular this morning. Doctor said it was okay, but what if I’m giving this kid a super-dose of ADHD while in utero?
- While Maggie and I were getting ready for church, she continually ignored instructions I gave her. Despite a clear warning, Supernanny-style, she still refused to listen, so I took away the one privilege she was really looking forward to: Sunday School. What kind of a mother punishes her child by not letting her go to church? Matt totally backed me up on this one, but I still felt like this was a dubious victory on my part.
- Throughout the entire church service, I couldn’t get my brain to focus. Weekends have been crazy lately and I’ve barely been to church, and there I was, glancing at my phone, thinking about the week to come, and still fretting about the Sunday School decision.
- I let the kid eat macaroni for lunch. AGAIN.
- My students’ state test for my subject is on Friday, and they still have some major review to do. I had wanted to hand out a review sheet in class tomorrow, but guess what? It’s not ready. Worked on it for a little while just to decide that I’d finish it tomorrow and email it to them.
- Decided that I’d rather be blogging. The good news? This is something I don’t need to feel guilty about.